just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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