No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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