He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
