Welp...herpes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
