i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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