I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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