Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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