giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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