In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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