like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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