Don't make out with my wife yet
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
