PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
