I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
