this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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