she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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