Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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