a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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