I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
