In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
