I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize