I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
