he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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