You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
