She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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