I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize