What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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