YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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