Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm really busy with my period
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