He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize