The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
