dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
