She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He passed out mid-signature
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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