it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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