Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
