i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
