hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
