i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
