God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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