Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
