worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
