Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
