the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found puke in my bra..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
