I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize