i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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