I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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