it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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