The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
