Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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