So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
