You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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