We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
