Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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