just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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