well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
