"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
