I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
