She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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