Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
