no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
