Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
