She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
