I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
