is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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