would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
