Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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