You're my little dorito
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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