i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
