I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
