you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
