Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
