so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
