So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
